It’s been very quiet here in the blog as my world became really busy at the beginning of May. From May to October I am doing, doing, doing. Now that we are in the fall season, I am taking the time to reassess, to take a breath. It’s getting cold, and school is two months in. Things were not feeling good at the beginning of October. After being on the go for the summer, I began feeling upset on the inside. I thought I was doing things right, but I am feeling so stressed! Then I read about highly sensitive parents, who have a hard time homeschooling, and I grew to understand that I may be one of these people who are extroverts, with some introvert tendencies. For my self care, I meditate and read what I can. For most of this summer into the school year, my regular meditations stopped being regular, to only on occasion. I checked my aura, and it is dingy. Uh, oh. Very much like the end of summer going into fall, I have to stop what I am doing, slow down, and look inside. I need to cleanse, ground, and meditate regularly, ASAP!
I mentioned this to a friend, who wanted to know (for scientific purposes) what my heart rate did–if meditation truly changed how slow my heart rate became after reaching meditative state. She hooked me up to a heart rate monitor and watched me during one of my meditations. WELL, my poor friend got a visit from Brigid, who came to hold me during mediation. My friend is Christian, and did not take this visit well at all, as you can imagine. But I took comfort in this visit. I had prayed for help and for change. I was, after all, very desperate. I would have thought any visit from the Goddess in my current state would be from a dark goddess, and I am surprised, and wrong. Now knowing I have some divine support, my turning inward has begun. I have calmed down emotionally, and I am working on changing what I do that puts me into an unsettled feeling day by day.
My days are calmer, and slower. We do less and less outside, and more staying in, being with each other. For Samhain we did not do anything special this year, and that’s ok. I began reading the book Herbal Rituals, beginning with September, and that put me on a path of trying to connect with my inner crone, especially for this last month. I feel like this is a new beginning for me, a New Year. Some call Mabon the Witches New Year, some call Samhain the Witches New Year. I am not sure there is a need to establish one over the other, just identifying for yourself what feels right as your new year is important, if you wish it to be. For now, I wish to bring myself back into the rhythm of nature. I try to let go of what I cannot control, and do good where I can.
I wish to turn inward until I feel the pull of the Maiden calling me to spring. I will take care of the family, and wait until spring calls me to dig deep into the ground, to plot and plan for the new garden. The kids were very excited for costumes, candy, parties with friends, and being allowed to stay up late watching scary movies until they fell asleep for Samhain. But for me, the transitioning to a new season and new year is what I will celebrate for this Samhain.